Welcome to lemonpiemummy.

I thought I would start on a note of complete honesty. After all, we're all friends here right? And we all know (or are yet to find out) that those first few weeks of motherhood are slightly less idyllic than we were led to imagine.
Having a newborn baby is amazing but tough. About six weeks into motherhood I went to my GP becuse I was worried about how I was (physically) feeling- chest pains, dizziness, shakiness etc. Within three minutes he had diagnosed me with PND and prescribed anti-depressants. Was I depressed? I was exhausted, emotional, anxious and struggling with the physical after-effects of birth (another thing everyone forgets to tell you about) but that's not the same as being depressed. I did want to get up in the mornings. I did want to care for my baby. I never for one second considered harming myself. It was just all so bloody difficult. Breastfeeding didn't work out which was an epic blow to my confidence. Even now, I feel compelled to justify my bottlefeeding to others by regaling them with the whole breastfeeding saga- as if anyone wants to listen to that anyway! Amelia had colic and would scream for hours at a time; I thought she wasn't happy with me and would be better off with someone else. I was terrified that she was going to die and obsessed over her breathing. Other people that I knew with babies seemed to be coping okay, so I thought it was just me. Somehow I felt alone even though my family and friends were there for me. The one health professional who did help me was my health visitor, who came to my house and was so kind to me that I burst into tears.She made me realise that I just needed to give myself a chance to adjust to the massive life change that is becoming a parent, and that Amelia needed time to settle in too.
I genuinely think that everyone has a different experience of those first few weeks with a new baby. For some it's a special and magical time. For me it's something I want to put behind me as quickly as possible. That's not a great thing to admit, but it's the truth. In the end though, all mothers have one thing in common- a gift so unspeakably precious that you would give your life for it over and over. I look at Amelia now and I know that she was worth every single second. It's taken me three months to reach that point. But I'm here now.