Would you be annoyed if you child’s teacher told
them to say “pardon”? Are your children banned from asking to go to the
“toilet”? Do you advise your children that saying “serviette” is worse than
saying “fuck”?
Welcome to the wacky world of U and non-U words; the U standing
for “upper class”, in case you haven’t guessed. This concept was coined in the
class-obsessed 1950’s by British author Nancy Mitford in her book Noblesse Oblige, and is still very much
alive and kicking today. I’ve lost count of the number of Mumsnet discussion
threads that have ended in a debate on this very subject (the reason I googled U
and non-U was because, I must admit, I didn’t know what it meant) and Carole
Middleton was famously berated for saying “pardon”. Not that this seems to have
fazed the Middletons any; Kate remains the poster girl of the aspirational
middle classes, and a style icon in her own right. However, in the upper
echelons of society, there will still be those who look down on her for being
of “common” (non-aristocratic) birth.
Personally, I find it extraordinary that someone
can be dismissed as a worthless peasant (or, more accurately, a lower-middle
class wannabe) for saying the word "pardon". However, I still pored over the
Wikipedia article of U and non-U words, as if I had stumbled across some
ancient secret code; which, in a way, I suppose I had.
So- are you dying to find out how “U” you are? Of
course you are! Answer the questions below as honestly as you can, then add up
the points to get your final score. But don’t get too excited if you score
highly; apparently there isn’t much difference between upper class and lower
class words- it’s only those dreadful lower-middles who refer to pudding as
“dessert.” Who knew?
Do you say:
Scent
(1 point) Perfume (0 points)
Vegetables
(1) Greens (0)
Glass (1) Mirror
(0)
Napkin (1) Serviette (0)
(in a game of cards)
Knave (1) Jack (0)
Sofa (1) or Settee Couch (0)
They have two
children (1) They’ve
got two children (0)
Lavatory or Loo (1) Toilet (0)
Chimneypiece (1) Mantelpiece (0)
Pudding (1) Dessert (0)
Graveyard (1) Cemetery (0)
Rich (1) Wealthy
(0)
Died (1) Passed away (0)
False teeth (1) Dentures (0)
For midday meal:
Lunch (1) Dinner
(0)
(Score an extra point
if you say “luncheon”).
Good health (1) Cheers (0)
Drawing room/sitting room (1) Lounge (0)
What? (1) Pardon? (0)
How do you do?
(1) Nice to meet you (0)
Headmaster/misress
(1) Headteacher
(0)
Scores
0-4:
Oh, you really are the height of vulgarity. You probably wear
Juicy Couture tracksuits and have a large TV mounted on your living room wall. How ghastly!
5-8:
You’re the classic "Hyacinth Bouquet" type; always trying to impress the right people- but usually getting it oh-so wrong. Are you sure you wouldn't be happier just being yourself?
9-12:
You’re middle-class with ideas above your station. Good for you, I say!
13-16:
You’re posher than posh. You probably wear tweeds and eat game pie and,
every so often, you find yourself in a part of your house that you’ve never
been to before.
17-20:
You’re the Queen, right?
Carole
Middleton: Sooo non-U.
